Consequences
by Vaughany
Summary: AU. A rescue has horrendous consequences for Scott. Unable to deal with the tragedy he turns to alcohol to try and forget the pain. This story has been rated M for the explicit adult content and swearing. R and R.
1. Chapter 1

**Thanks to all who reviewed my first Thunderbirds story and giving me the encouragement to post again.**

**I unfortunately don't own any of the Tracy family, here's hoping.**

**John is the eldest in my story and I believe it creates a more interesting family dynamic so please don't comment about the ages.**

**There is a huge amount of swearing and sexual innuendoes in this story so please don't read on if you are easily offended. **

**Please read and review as always.**

* * *

**Consequences**

Chapter 1

Scott picked his way around the debris littering the accident area. "Why the hell did they call us?" he muttered.

"Scott..." shouted a voice.

"Here, Virg. What's up?"

"Any updates?"

"No. 100% mortality rate. No chance with a train crash. I'm still trying to figure out why the hell they called us." Virgil shrugged. "You might as well get home, Virg. Get some sleep. I'll wind it down here and I'll follow ya."

"Sure. You gonna be ok, Scott? You've barely said anything."

"What's to say Virgil?! 250 people are dead! It was a fucking accident waiting to happen, so yeah, I'm awesome thanks. Look, just get home, I'll be fine." Virgil stared at his insensitive brother, who never showed any emotion.

"Ok. I'll grab Gordon and I'll see ya at home."

"Sorry we couldn't do anymore," stated Scott, finding his way back to the centre of the crash and taking to the head of the Chinese fire service.

"It's our fault. This bridge has been unsafe for a very long time, and it was an accident waiting to happen. Thank you for coming so promptly." Scott nodded and hid a yawn before both men shook hands, and he climbed back in to Thunderbird 1 for the journey back home.

* * * * *

"_Thunderbird 2 to Thunderbird 1..." _Scott sighed.

"What's up Virg?"

_"You ok Scott?"_

"Fine. I've just set off and should be home for about 4ish."

"_Do ya wanna talk?"_

"Nope."

"_Scott. It aint easy seeing what we see. I think you should be talking more."_

"There is nothing to talk about, Virgil. I'm tired. I wanna get to bed, and frankly I'll be fucking glad when tomorrow starts."

Scott sat in silence for a few minutes after talking to Virgil. Hell who was he kidding, this wasn't easy. It wasn't easy for any of them. He had never talked about how the work affected him, and he wasn't about to start now; but when he saw death and badly injured victims, that's when it became tough. He had seen a lot of harrowing things in his work and he never got used to it, no matter what he told people. A short, pretty, blonde haired woman swam through his mind and he shook his head. He stared at his watch comm. as the outgoing call connected.

A sleepy voice answered his call and he smiled relieved. "Princess, God I've missed ya baby. Sorry I woke you but..."

_"Hey handsome, missed you too. Where are you?"_

"Crossing Australia princess. You ok gorgeous?"

_"Mmmm I am now. Why sweetheart?" _

"I worry about ya. Get some sleep princess and I'll see you when I get in. It'll be about 3."

"_Love you."_

"Love you too, Jodie."

* * * * *

"Jeff, I'm sorry to disturb you. I know the boys are on their way back, Scott rang me but..."

"Come in Jodie," smiled Jeff, from behind his desk.

Jodie sat down on a sofa and squeezed her hands together, "it's just that he erm...didn't sound right. His tone was off and...it's difficult to explain really. I know he wasn't his self though."

Before Jeff could answer, there was a bleeping and Jeff answered the incoming call. "Virgil...everything ok?"

"_It's Scott, dad. Something happened in China. He isn't talking about it, but he's taken a pretty big hit."_

"Ok thanks Virgil."

"_It's gotta have been pretty big to affect Scott cos he never gets emotional, but none of us know."_

"What's your ETA, Virgil?"

"_An hour and a half."_

"Ok, see you back at base."

"_FAB."_

"Look after him Jodie. If he's going to open up to anyone, it'll be you." Jodie nodded. "But Scott isn't one to have a hang up about anything. It'll be over in a couple of days so try not to worry."

"Thanks Jeff, I'll do my best."


	2. Chapter 2

**Again I don't own the Thunderbirds or any of Gerry Anderson's wonderful creations.**

**Very strong language in that chapter, you have been warned so please don't read on if you get offended.**

**Please do review when you read.**

* * *

Scott unlocked the door to his apartment quietly, not wanting to wake Jodie. He flicked on the kitchen light and grabbed a bottle of water before finishing the whole lot at once. He was roasting hot, having worked in China and flown 2 hours back in a stifling hot Thunderbird. He walked into the bedroom and stood for a few minutes watching Jodie sleep. His heart did a little skip and he smiled remembering how she was his wife forever.

Quickly he undressed and slid into bed and gently kissed Jodie, pulling her to him. She felt so warm and soft in his arms that soon he fell into a light doze. Only a few minutes later, Jodie whispered.

"I missed you, sweetheart."

"Missed ya too baby, love ya."

"Love you...too," and with another kiss, Jodie shut her eyes contentedly, as Scott slipped into a light sleep.

A couple of hours later Scott woke to find his head swimming with the same blonde woman. The same blonde woman who had died, falling out of the window in to the crashing Songhua River. Scott had been seconds too late. His finger tips grasping at only air and he shouted as she plummeted to her death. No one knew. He hadn't told Virgil or Gordon what had happened. He had kept it to himself at his own cost.

The same image returned as soon as he shut his eyes and he knew he had to try and find a way of forgetting the awful rescue. With a kiss for his sleeping wife, he slid of out of bed and padded softly through to the kitchen where he opened the fridge and took out a bottle of Budweiser.

He opened it and sat down in the lounge allowing the alcohol to consume his brain. Even after a couple of bottles the dead woman still inhabited his head. His thoughts had not even become a little foggy. Another trip to the kitchen, he took all the beer from the fridge and also he raided his secret stash of Pilsner.

An hour later Jodie appeared in the lounge, a worried look on her face.

"Sweetheart, what's happened? What happened last night? You haven't had that much beer since...well, I don't even know. Talk to me Scott."

Scott grinned at Jodie, before sweeping the empty beer cans off the table, "baby, I wondered where you'd got to?"

"Hmmm I can see. Scott, what the hell happened in China?"

"China...nothing, I don't wanna talk about it. Have I told ya how hot you're looking princess?" Jodie smiled as she walked into the room and sat down next to him. "Cos you are baby, I love ya so so much Jodie."

"Love you too, handsome. Now talk."

"But Jodie, there aint anything..."

"Talk. I know something happened. You don't get so pissed for no reason Scott. Come on...don't treat me like an idiot."

"Love ya princess," and he kissed Jodie, pulling her in to his arms. "You have pretty eyes Jodie, they're like emeralds. I can see em shining baby."

Jodie stared at Scott, "what?"

"You're eyes are gorgeous princess. Why aint I ever noticed before?" Scott took her arm and kissed her hand, "you have soft skin. It's like a baby."

"Hold on. Scott? Why are you...."

"What princess? It's the truth. I love ya and I wanna have a baby with you."

"What? Scott are you sure? You want a family?"

"Five kids princess. Cos there are five of us..." he grinned at Jodie.

"Five. Scott....I...I can't believe it." Suddenly she took in the bottles of beer and her heart sank. But people who were drunk never said things they never believed. It just gave them more confidence. Scott had never needed more confidence but on the romance side he was....more reserved definitely. Jodie smiled. If he was going to be romantic then who was she to stand in his way. Jodie wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him, pulling his head down towards her own. "Love you Mr Tracy."

Scott reached for a bottle, "princess do you want some wine baby?"

Jodie couldn't help smiling, "it's 6am, sweetheart."

Scott shrugged, "it helps me forget. I lost you princess."

"Lost what?"

"You. You're lips are soft, baby," Scott pulled back and ran his tongue over Jodie's plump red lips, before leaning forward and kissing her. "Ya taste like strawberry princess."

"Scott you haven't lost me, sweetheart."

Scott took another gulp of beer. "I aint gonna baby cos when wemarry, I wanna buy your own island for you. For you and my family. I'm gonna look after you princess, and no one aint ever gonna hurt ya."

"I'm not going anywhere but Scott, please tell me what happened in China?"

"Don't wanna tell you that princess. I wanna tell you how much I love ya. Do you know how much I love ya? Like the world princess, ya my world. You're my life. I'm so glad I found you baby and you wanna know what I thought when I first saw ya. I loved ya from when I saw you in the club and I wanted to kiss ya in the cab, you were like all my dreams at once, baby. I didn't wanna leave ya. I wanted to stay with you all my life. I wanted to marry ya."

"You didn't!" Jodie was looking more and more surprised at Scott's declaration of love.

"I did baby. I wanted to tell you and God I'm sorry I didn't but I was scared. I was scared you didn't want me, you weren't gonna love me like thousands of other chicks. They wanted my name baby, not me but you were totally different and ya looked so sexy. I wanted to make love to ya that night, when I first saw you. I hadn't seen any chick as beautiful as you Jodie. I swear it's the truth, ya eyes shone and there wasn't anyone else. I loved ya."

"Scott...I don't know what to say. I love you so much, but please sweetheart, tell me the truth."

"In China I couldn't save ya princess. Ya fell from the train. My heart died without ya. I don't wanna live without ya."

"Scott, I wasn't in China. It wasn't me."

Scott looked at Jodie as he finished off his 16th bottle, "Jodie, I saw ya. Please don't tell me I imagined it. I didn't." Tears started to fall down Scott's face. "I gotta tell ya how much I love ya baby cos I didn't tell you enough before I lost you."

"But sweetheart, I'm still here...." Jodie leaned against Scott's shoulder and wrapped her arms around him. This wasn't any behaviour she had ever encountered before. Eventually the tears slowed and Scott fell into a light sleep.

Jodie left Scott sleeping and made some coffee before ringing Virgil and getting some advice.

* * * * *

"Did you know anything about it, Virgil?" Jodie was sat at the kitchen table with her own coffee, leaving Scott sleeping in the lounge.

"_No. He said nothing to me, Jodie. What's he doing?"_

"Sleeping, as only Scott can. He spent the morning getting pissed, Virgil, then told me how much he loved me over and over again. It was sweet but it isn't Scott. He keep saying he lost me in China. I think he saw someone who looked like me, and he's confused."

"_You could be right, Jodie. Want me to come over and talk to him?"_

"It's up to you, Virgil but something tells me he won't tell you how much he loves you."

Virgil laughed, "no you're right. I'll be over in a sec, Jodie."

After Jodie had hung up, Scott appeared in the doorway, "princess. Missed ya baby. Come and sit with me in the lounge." Jodie got up and followed him into the lounge.

* * * * *

Scott grinned and pulled her next to him. "Come 'ere baby, I want ya Jodie."

Jodie sat next to Scott and smiled, as he wrapped his arms around her and turned her face to his, before kissing her. Before the kiss got out of control Jodie pulled away.

"How much do you want me, sweetheart?"

Scott looked at Jodie. "I want ya princess, I always want ya."

"How much?"

"Jodie, for fucks sake I want ya, I want ya now. How much more dya wanna know? I wanna fuck ya, not talk about it!"

Jodie looked at Scott in surprise, "you really want me that much."

"Jesus Jodie yes! I want ya more than anything, I just wanna fuck ya and make ya scream all day and night."

"Mmmm. I can do that sweetheart."


	3. Chapter 3

**Again I don't own the Thunderbirds or any of Gerry Anderson's wonderful creations.**

**Very strong language and sexual implications in this chapter, you have been warned so please don't read on if you get offended by either.**

**Please do review when you read.**

**

* * *

**

An hour or so later, Jodie tried to bring up China, trying to get Scott to talk, but he was stubborn and refused to say anything about it.

"Jodie. I aint talking about that!" He soft tone had gone, and Jodie stared at him.

"But sweetheart I just want to help you."

"I don't need any help. I just want you," and Scott grasped Jodie's arms.

"Scott, you're hurting me. I love you but don't squeeze too hard. Scott..."

"Tell me you love me, Jodie."

"I love you, but for God's sake Scott, just stop it." Jodie stood up and rubbed her arms as Virgil appeared in the doorway.

"I knocked but you didn't answer. Everything ok?" Scott looked away. "Scott?"

"I was talking to Jodie, Virg."

"Yeah, I can see," and his eye took in the amount of beer Scott had drunk that morning. "Scott you're not in any fit state if we get another rescue. Get yourself together for fuck's sake!"

"Look none of you have any damn idea what happened in China," and without waiting for any reply, Scott marched out of the room into his private study.

Jodie turned to Virgil, "he won't talk."

"I know, I don't know what happened in China, Jodie. I'll try and get him to talk but it isn't going to be easy. He'd be more upfront talking to you."

"I thought that too...but I'm not so sure, Virgil. I'm going to get him a coffee then try and talk to him again."

Virgil followed Jodie back into the kitchen. "You going to be ok Jodie?"

"Thanks Virgil. I'll be fine. I'll fill you in tomorrow, but he isn't aggressive."

"No, but watch it. He can be when he drinks."

Jodie smiled, "he was crying earlier you know. He couldn't hurt a fly today."

Virgil nodded and gave Jodie and reasurring hug. "You know where I am if you need me, ok?"

"Thanks. Tell Jo I'll come see her later."

"Will do, see ya."

* * *

Jodie walked into the study, just in time to see Scott sink a bottle of Bourbon and toss the empty bottle in the bin. She stopped but Scott had already seen her and he beckoned her in with a huge grin.

"Princess, I want ya baby. Ya looking hot and sexy and I wanna fuck ya pussy, and I wanna fuck ya all day and night."

Jodie's mouth fell open in surprise, "why sweetheart, I want you too but first, I want you to talk to me."

Scott's eyes glittered molten brown and he pulled Jodie roughly in to his arms, "I want sex princess now. I want you."

"But Scott, I think if you talked to me and-"

"Fucking hell Jodie. I just want you, I don't wanna talk. I love ya sexy, hot, voice but Christ, I wanna be in ya. Do you get that? Or do I have to spell it out for ya again?"

"I..." Jodie couldn't help smiling at Scott's openness but he was getting more aggressive and she ignored his needs at her own peril. "Sweetheart, I want you to but don't you see-"

Scott grabbed Jodie's arms , his gaze angry and she shrank away from him, squirming out of his grip. "Jodie, listen to me. I don't wanna talk. I wanna forget. I want sex to forget. Dya get that?"

Jodie stared at Scott, feeling tears forming at the back of her eyes. Her voice was cold, as she spoke. "You shouldn't be using sex to forget. That's insensitive, Scott! Do you know what sex with you means to me?"

Scott shook his head slowly.

"It isn't just bloody sex. I love you. Tonight I love you. I've bloody missed you, but if this is the way you want it then you can piss right off."

Without another word Jodie walked off, her head held high but tears falling slowly down her cheeks as she shut the bedroom door firmly behind her.

Scott's mood changed, as he drank and drank, his thoughts drifted over the blonde woman who had been in China. His brain worked hard to process what had happened, and his desire for his beautiful wife left him as soon as it had arrived.

After a few more minutes he got up and stood in the doorway to their bedroom, watching Jodie. She was sat quietly crying on the bed, but Scott felt no compassion, no sympathy for her. All he could ask was why? Why had she refused him?

At a noise, Jodie looked up. "I'm not having sex with you Scott like this."

"Like what? Fucking hell Jodie, you aint ever refused me before."

Jodie gasped at his tone, "I can't have sex when you're drunk, Scott. Look at you, you're not even sober enough to stand up straight."

Scott glared at her and walked out, before shouting, "fine. I'll be in my study."

* * *

Scott slammed the study door. He immediately sat down, reaching for another bottle of liquor. Having downed that he thought. He wanted sex. He needed to forget the dreadful events in China, and sex would allow him to do that but being aggressive wasn't adehering him to Jodie in any way. He needed to change tact. He got up and walked towards the bedroom slowing opening the door and shutting it behind him.

"Princess, I love ya baby, please. I want you Jodie, I wanna make love to ya. I missed you today."

Jodie curled herself tighter into a ball in the middle of the bed, tears raining on to the duvet, shaking her head miserably. "No you don't. You want sex to forget. You're tarnishing what we married for, Scott."

"I aint Jodie. Please baby, I love you. I'm sorry, I just...I'm sorry about before...I wanna feel ya-"

"Don't!" snapped Jodie. "Don't even say that word, Scott."

"But baby I..."

"If you're trying to cajoule me into sex, you're not doing a very good job, are you? I'm not interested, Scott. You had your opportunity and you blew it completely."

Scott looked pained and eventually nodded, "I know. But princess, I just want a chance to show you, I love ya. I want ya baby, I know you want me."

"Keep trying!" muttered Jodie, turning away, amid a sigh from Scott. This was harder than he thought.

He used the one persuasive technique open to him and he whispered to Jodie to shut her eyes. He needed to get her on board and fast. Jodie eventually shut them and Scott leaned over and kissed her, a gentle kiss that took all his will power not to push open her mouth and force his tongue in, eating her from the inside.

Jodie eventually opened her eyes and smiled, "that's my Scott."

Scott grinned, "I love you baby."

The cave man instinct in Scott took over, and he fought to keep the rush of desire down. He wanted Jodie so much. "Princess I want ya baby, please."

"I want you too. I love you."

That was all the encouragement Scott needed and he grabbed Jodie and held her down, quickly shedding his trousers, before roughly kissing her, and stroking his hands up and down her body. His touch was frantic, not loving. He needed and wanted her badly.

Jodie fought to keep her terror down. This wasn't Scott. He was aggressive, inconsiderate, uncaring. He was normally such a skilled lover. She turned her head away and tears leaked from her eyes, unseen by Scott.

For all Scott's inadequacies, Jodie was still more than ready for his penetration and this he gave with a rush of force, thrusting into Jodie. She bit her lip to keep from crying out. She was no virgin but her insides felt as if they had been painfully stretched. Deep and fast thrust Scott until he could take it no more and he climaxed within her.

With a huge grin, he kissed Jodie and rolled off, the sudden pain from his extracation making Jodie cry out.

"Love ya baby..." and he immediately slid beneath the sheets, pulling Jodie with him. Jodie herself allowed herself to be pulled into bed, but once there she turned away from Scott, as he wrapped his arm around her and cried herself to sleep.

* * *

Jodie woke up during the early hours of the morning, thinking over what had happened and decided that she wasn't going to ever tell Scott how he had hurt her. It would completely destroy him.

Jodie watched Scott sleeping, wanting the morning to arrive so the alcohol would have partly worn off and so she could talk to some of the rest of the family. She hated seeing him so angry and upset, and wanted to help him, but she couldn't do that until he let her in. He needed to accept the help Jodie wanted to give him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Again I don't own the Thunderbirds or any of Gerry Anderson's wonderful creations.**

**Very strong language in this chapter, you have been warned so please don't read on if you get offended.**

**Please do review when you read.**

**

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**

Jodie walked on to the balcony as the sun rose the next morning and put her arms around Scott, "sweetheart, are you ready to talk?"

Scott nodded sheepishly, "princess, have you any more coffee? I got a huge headache baby."

"Hmmm. I'll bring you some out, then talk to me."

Jodie appeared with a mug of coffee and handed it to Scott before sitting on his knee and giving him a kiss. Scott smiled, and continued to look out across the ocean. "Princess, I'm sorry baby. I just couldn't handle what happened. I didn't hurt you did I?"

Jodie stopped and hesitated for the merest mili-second but Scott picked up on it.

"No you certainly didn't, sweetheart. You were..." Jodie realised her mistake too slowly. Scott was already staring at her, a haunted look in his eyes. Eventually he slid Jodie off his knee before walking silently into the apartment.

"Scott...you didn't..." but her shout was fruitless. A few minutes later Jodie heard the front door open and close. Scott was already on his way to the beach.

* * *

Scott was soaked within minutes as he slouched out of the apartment, his head bowed against the driving rain and his hands shoved in his pockets. Tracy Island was being buffeted by the remnants of Hurricane Cain that had battered the west coast of the United States a few days earlier. His skin was soon plastered with his wet t-shirt but he didn't give it a seconds thought as he walked quickly down to the beach.

* * *

Virgil was watching the rain fall outside the window of his music studio, wondering if he could compose a piece to reflect his current mood, when his mobile rang.

"Jodie, what's up? Everything ok?" Virgil couldn't hear anything through her tears.

"Virgil...he's...he hurt me...and..."

"He found out," whispered Virgil, his eyes glanced outside and he immediately knew where Scott was. "Listen Jodie, leave it to me, I know where he is. He always does this, and I'll talk to him."

Jodie was still sobbing but she managed to whispered the words, "thank you."

* * *

Virgil had grabbed his jacket before he left the apartment but it was little comfort against the howling wind and thrashing rain. His hair was matted against his head as soon as he started to jog down the beach path, but he concentrated on finding Scott. He knew where his older brother disappeared, when he needs to think or disperse his pent up anger.

A few minutes later Virgil stepped on to the wet sand and glanced around. He saw a figure in the distance beyond a small outcrop of rocks and he followed quietly so as not to surprise Scott.

As he approached, the figure turned, "she send you?"

"No. Jodie didn't. Scott, she's worried about you. What the hell are you doing?"

Scott didn't answer at first, and Virgil watched as he sat down heavily on a rock near the base of the cliff.

"I hurt her Virg. I was fucking drunk cos of goddamn China and I hurt my wife."

Virgil said nothing, but sat down next to Scott. "What happened in China, bro?"

Scott sighed, "I was evacuating a train, Virg and I was too damn slow to stop a lady falling from the train. I tried to grab her hands but I missed em, and I can still see her falling. I can hear her screams and she...she...looked like Jodie. I thought I'd lost my wife, Virgil. I couldn't separate reality from my fucking nightmares."

"Ya wanted to forget hey? You got drunk to forget about it."

Scott nodded, staring out into the stormy sea, "yeah, stupid hey...I wanted to forget and when I realised Jodie was still here I wanted her to help me forget. I wanted sex, but she um...she wouldn't-."

"You were drunk, Scott. Do you blame her? She loves you but not what you were last night."

"Yeah you were there..." Virgil didn't miss the hint of embarrassment in Scott's eyes.

"I was worried for you. How much did you drink?"

"I found 2 bourbon and 3 whiskey bottles in the trash. And 16 beer bottles…."

Virgil whistled, "Jesus Scott." There was silence for a few minutes as the wind howled around them, and the rain pounded the sea.

"I hurt her, Virg. I can't believe it. I'm never gonna forgive myself for this."

"Scott, you weren't yourself."

"Crap, Virg. Don't make me feel better, I know what I did. I was in control of everything, I wanted her and I didn't care how I went about it. Dya get it? I.. hurt..my…wife."

"Scott, come on bro, lets get back inside. I'm getting soaked."

"You go. I wanna stay here!" Virgil eventually stood and clapped Scott on the shoulder, before walking away. He wanted to say so much more but he didn't know what to say to reasurre his brother. Only Scott and Jodie could sort this out.


	5. Chapter 5

**Again I don't own the Thunderbirds or any of Gerry Anderson's wonderful creations.**

**Very strong language in this chapter, you have been warned so please don't read on if you get offended.**

**Please do review when you read.**

**

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**

Scott sat in quiet reflection, his brain going over and over what had happened. There was only one recurring image, that of the terror in his wife's face as he climaxed. He had really hurt her? Why hadn't he stopped? He loved her more than the world but he had let his need over take her feelings. The alcohol had subdued everything but his caveman instincts. How could ge begin to make this up to her? Would she ever speak to him again?

As he continued to think he heard footsteps behind him, "Virg, I aint ready. I don't wanna know."

"It's me, Scott."

Scott turned, seeing Jodie standing only a few metres away, her blonde hair dark and slicked back against her head. The pink sundress she wore was wet through and his heart skipped in his chest, as his eyes skimmed over the curves of her beautiful figure. His breath stuck in his throat and eventually he turned away. How could he have hurt her?

"Scott...look at me..."

"I don't deserve you, Jodie."

"Don't. Please sweetheart, don't. I know you're hurting, but last night wasn't you. Please...don't hurt yourself."

"I can't help it baby. I love ya but Jesus, I hurt you." Scott's expression grazed Jodie for a second before he turned away, and gazed out at the blackness that surrounded the island. "Please Jodie, I beg you, tell me it aint true. Tell me I didn't hurt you."

"I...you didn't...much. Scott, I'm ok. I don't blame you, and-"

"Fuck. I hurt you. Jodie, why didn't ya tell me?"

"For this reason. I knew you'd beat yourself up about it, but I don't want you too. You weren't yourself, sweetheart."

"Alcohol doesn't make you say stuff ya don't wanna say, baby."

"Scott you were fantastic, just...a little aggressive and pushy."

"That's crap, Jodie. I can remember bits and I know I wanted ya, but I shouldn't have hurt you. How can ya say I was fantastic when I hurt you? Jesus Jodie. How can I live with myself..."

Jodie started sobbing. She had to make Scott see reason. "Scott...please, you didn't. I mean you kind of did but...I want to help you."

"How?"

"Tell me what happened in China?"

Scott said nothing and looked out at the crashing waves.

"What were you trying to forget? I saw 5 bottles in the bin, Scott. That would be enough to kill some people."

Scott couldn't help smirking, "it didn't Jodie. I'm just...angry with myself cos I hurt you. When I first saw you baby outside your house in Derby; Jesus ya looked hot but I promised myself I'd never hurt you ever. And look what the fuck I've done..." Anger exploded in Scott's eyes and even Jodie stepped back, seeing a white hot flame inside.

"But sweetheart, I'm fine. I love you, I want to help you...just...please...talk." The last word was whispered.

"Ok...ok, princess I will. We were in China and I was evacutating this train. I was too late to save a woman, Jodie, she fell from the train, I tried to grab her hands but I grabbed just air. She had blonde hair, she was little...she..."

"Looked like me."

"Yeah...I thought ya were dead princess. I couldn't separate my life from my fucking nightmares."

"Oh God Scott..."

"Then I wanted to forget and when I knew you weren't dead I wanted you to help me forget the only way I knew how...sex..."

"Oh...but sweetheart, the sex was amazing. You were amazing, you...you were just aggressive, Scott. It wasn't you though, please see that?"

"Jodie...I love you, but I can't see that. How can I forgive myself..." Jodie put her arm around Scott and sat down next to him, leaning her head against his shoulder. She shrugged.

"I don't know, sweetheart. I wish I could help you see it."

"You can..." Scott looked determindely at Jodie, taking her hands in his before saying in a firm voice, "what did I do? Tell me Jodie, last night what did I do to you?"

"What? Scott...I can't. I can't tell you. Please don't make me."

"Princess, please. It'll help me move on. If I don't know, I can't make it right."

Jodie looked at Scott's dark hair, his wet hair slicked back on his head. A wet lock of hair hung over his forehead and Jodie leaned across to brush it away, her hand brushing Scott's face. A tingle rushed through her as her skin brushed his. Heat curled inside her and she looked in to his dark brown eyes.

"God Scott..." she whispered.

"What baby?"

"You look so...so...so sexy. I can't believe you're mine. It's like a dream."

Scott watched Jodie for a few more minutes before slowly kissing her. "Princess, let me make this up to you? I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to ya, and showing you it was a one off and it'll never happen again."

"I don't doubt that, sweetheart."

"Just please...please tell me."


	6. Chapter 6

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**Again I don't own the Thunderbirds or any of Gerry Anderson's wonderful creations.**

**Very strong language and very implicit sex in this chapter, you have been warned so please don't read on if you get offended by either.**

**Please do review when you read.**

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With the rain continuing to fall around them Jodie told Scott exactly what had happened, but played it down a great deal so as not to hurt him more than he already was. Scott hung his head at the end of Jodie's whispered talk, and for a few minutes he said nothing. Eventually he spoke quietly but firmly, never taking his eyes away from the sandy beach.

"Princess, when we got together I made a pact with myself that I'd never hurt you baby, I'd always protect you and I'd always be here for you forever. I wanted to be with ya for the rest of my life. I love you so much and none of that has changed…"

Jodie started to say something but Scott held his hand up. She frowned and stopped.

"Please baby, I aint gonna be long. I just…well, I dunno. I hate guys who hurt women, can't fucking stand em and God, I've done the same fucking thing. I've hurt you, princess, how the hell am I meant to live with that? I know ya say that I was romantic but Jesus Jodie, I hurt ya. I ripped ya…." Scott looked up at her suddenly, his eyes sad.

"Oh sweetheart, please don't….I can't bare you to look so sad. It…I mean, you didn't, well it wasn't bad, Scott. Please believe me."

Scott appeared not to hear his wife speak but instead he whispered, "princess…will ya let me look. I wanna check ya out and I wanna make it better for ya. I aint gonna hurt you Jodie, I swear on my fucking life. I just wanna see what damage I did….please…"

Jodie nodded slowly, "ok sweetheart. I trust you completely."

Scott took Jodie's hand and led her away from the beach towards the west side of the island.

"Where are we going, sweetheart?"

"You'll see princess…it's a surprise."

A few minutes later, they had entered a clearing. Jodie looked around.

"It's a hot spring, baby. I found it a coupla weeks ago but didn't tell you cos I wanted it a surprise and I reckon I've found the perfect chance to use it. What dya say?"

"Wow, Scott. I think this is the perfect time. Does it flow in to a lake or something?"

"It's only tiny, baby but yeah it's kinda a lake, deep enough to sit in."

"I love you, Scott."

Scott grinned and led Jodie around to the back, where a glittering blue lake appeared with a hot spring in the centre of it. "Here ya are princess, I'll help ya in and we can sit on the side."

Jodie kicked off her shoes and Scott helped her down next to the lake. Jodie sighed feeling the coolness of the water surround her legs, she smiled at Scott and leaned her head against his shoulder.

"Feel comfortable gorgeous?"

"Very. Scott you know erm...you know that you want to look. I trust you implicitly, sweetheart but here..."

"Princess, here's the best place cos the water'll help."

"It's not as if I don't want you, Scott."

Jodie looked ashamed and Scott took her hand and kissed it, "baby I know you do but I hurt youa princess…a lot and I wanna show you that it aint gonna happen again."

"I love you, Scott."

"I love ya too, Jodie. Let me show ya..." and he kissed her, slowly exploring Jodie's mouth, his hands dragging her closer, his desire for his wife explode. His lips still exploring , he moved his position slightly and pulled Jodie into his arms, running his hands down her back, pulling her hard against him. "God Jodie," he whispered against her lips, "ya so sexy gorgeous. I love ya so much."

"I love ya too, sweetheart. Scott...take me."

Scott grinned, "my pleasure, princess."

Scott lifted Jodie in to the warm water, slowly kissing her and undressing her. Jodie groaned into his mouth, as his hands found her nipples and rubbed them slowly, masssaging them between his fingers.

"Scott, I'm sorry about..." Jodie's breath came rapidly, and became increasingly ragged as Scott worked his magic on her, but she had to tell him what she thought. "I know...just...please don't stop. I love you."

"Princess, don't talk baby, I aint ever gonna stop I swear, Jodie. I love ya and right now, your all mine." Scott's hands moved swiftly down over Jodie's stomach through the sparkling, clear water, as he easily found her welcoming entrance. Jodie sighed with expectation as his fingers explored, leaning back against Scott so as not to fall.

Suddenly Jodie gasped and bucked, Scott having hit the first weak spot and she nearly fell from his wet grip, but Scott held on and whispered, "ya so sexy and wet, gorgeous. Are ya ready for me?"

Jodie merely groaned in expectation, leaving Scott completely in control as he explored her soft inner depths.

Eventually Scott withdrew his fingers and pushed Jodie gently back against the smooth rock face before he smiled at her, and kissed her gently. "Princess, I aint gonna hurt you, I swear baby. You mean the fucking world to me, Jodie and I'm sorry for what I did last time. It aint gonna happen again."

The water lapped against Scott's smooth muscular and tanned body as he prepared to enter Jodie, slowly at first, the thrusts getting more insistent as her body opened. Scott slowed the pace. Jodie gritted her teeth against the waves of pleasure rushing swamping her entire being, waiting to engulf her.

"Jesus Scott. Please..."

"Baby, I wanna do it right."

Jodie closed her eyes, urging her body to explode, willing Scott to go faster. With one last thrust, Jodie sighed and came into the water, collaspsing into Scott's arms. He held her and stroked her hair, kissing her lips.

"Princess..." His tone was questioning. Such was his intent to make it up to Jodie he had held off his own orgasm indefinitely.

"Sweetheart, that was completely amazing. I love you so much, Scott Tracy. But Scott, you should have...you know..."

"Baby, I had to prove it to you. I aint bothered..." Jodie looked up at Scott with a wicked glint in her eyes.

"It's your turn now, sweetheart."


	7. Chapter 7

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**Again I don't own the Thunderbirds or any of Gerry Anderson's wonderful creations.**

**Very strong language in this chapter, you have been warned so please don't read on if you get offended.**

**Please do review when you read.**

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That night Jodie drifted off to sleep in Scott's arms. Scott lay thinking back over the day, smiling as he recalled the sex with Jodie and how satisfying it had felt giving her all the pleasure. He was the luckiest man in the universe.

Eventually Scott fell into a light sleep. Suddenly Scott sat bolt upright, drenched in sweat. Jodie was still asleep and he grabbed her by the waist and pulled her closer to him, kissing her hair.

At the sudden movement Jodie awoke and smiled at Scott but her smile froze on her face as she felt his clammy skin against her own.

"Scott...sweetheart, what's happened? You look terrible."

"It's um..." Scott took a deep breath. "Just a dream, princess. I'm ok but it was pretty scary and real. You are here aren't you jodie?"

"Yes, I'm here. Scott, I'm always here. I don't ever want to be far away from you, you know that."

Scott's breathing slowed a bit more, "good, cos don't. You can't ever leave me, Jodie."

Jodie sat up. "That's it. Start talking, mister."

Scott reach out for his wife, pulling her into his arms, "only if ya sit nearer baby. I told ya Jodie, I told ya earlier. It's you in that train. I keep having it over and over again and it gets worse each time. The one now, you were...ya lay at the bottom and ya had blood all over ya and ya were dead."

"That was China, Scott."

"I know that!" he snapped, then regretted it a moment later. "I'm sorry, baby. It's just that...I run away from what happened but I can't get the fucking awful images from outta my head. It's crazy. She looked like you. What the hell can I do?" Scott threw back the covers and sat on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands.

Jodie looked at him sadly for a few seconds before coming behind him and circling her arms around his chest, resting her head against his neck. "You Scott, you should get some help." It was a statement and not a question.

"I aint seeing a shrink, Jodie!"

Jodie shook her head at the raised voice. "Scott, you need help. It's going to happen in your line of work."

"What, I see dead people, sir. What can I do about it?"

"Don't be so sarcastic, Scott. That was not what I meant. You need to get rid of some gremlins, then you can move on."

"There aren't any gremlins, baby."

"There must be for you to have this same dream, Scott and also for you to turn to the drink."

Scott's eyes darkened at this comment, "I said that won't ever happen again, Jodie."

"That's not what I'm saying, Scott. Look, you need someone to talk to about it. Someone who will listen and help you. You can't expect to move on from something like this. You are going to find it very hard because it has certain connections."

"It was you!"

Jodie sighed and lay back down. It was no use talking to Scott when he was in this sort of a mood.

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A few days later Scott was sat on the beach staring out to sea. Hearing soft footsteps approach he turned and smiled at Jodie, as she sat down next to him and leaned her head on his shoulder.

"Sweetheart…"

"I wanna go back to China." He looked at Jodie. "I have to go back princess. I gotta revisit the place it happened and play it back in my head but with ya standing next to me." Jodie said nothing for a few minutes.

"You know if that's what you want, then I'll always come with you, sweetheart? I just want this sorted."

"I wanna go today princess. We can go in 1, park her up and walk to where it happened. We aint gonna breach security."

"Don't panic about that, Scott just get yourself right again."

Scott nodded and pulled Jodie into him, wrapping his arms around her.


	8. Chapter 8

Scott landed Thunderbird 1 in silence, staring out at the long winding train track that traversed the Songhua River. Jodie took his hand and squeezed it in a silent show of support before he climbed out and helped his wife down. They walked down the track in silence and stood in the middle of the embankment, looking down at the sharp valley bellow, and the unkind terrain that would have ripped the train apart.

Taking Jodie's hand Scott shut his eyes and when he opened them again he was back at the crash site. Shouting, screaming. The smell of engine oil hung in the air. He remembered every smell and every voice in the area. He remembered walking along the train that was tittering on the severed rail, oblivious to the danger he was in. His one aim was to save as many people as possible…

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_Walking through the carnage, seeing the bodies strewn everywhere amongst the pools of blood he knew it was futile. He sighed, wiping his hand down his face, streaking dirt down it. He kept looking. Kept walking, hoping to find someone somewhere. Suddenly there was a scream and a voice._

"_Help me….please…."_

_Scott ran into the next carriage and saw a lady dangling out of the window, the carriage about to topple into the dangerous valley below. He hung out his hand to her but he was too late, and he could only watch as she fell towards the rocks below. _

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"Fucking stupid!" snapped Scott, startling Jodie and yanking his hand away from hers. "I shoulda done more…"

"Don't Scott, please don't. I'm here. I'm fine. You were so unlucky. That doesn't normally happen, even you know that. Virgil'll tell you the same, everyone would. You know how it affects him-"

"Doesn't affect me," he muttered, more to himself than Jodie. "You know princess, it's totally helped coming here and kinda reliving it but I don't know whether it's gonna work."

"And?"

"Aint sure baby." He turned and looked at Jodie, taking her hand and leading her back off the embankment. "I wanna give it a coupla days and then, if I have to see a shrink then I'll deal with it."

Jodie smiled, "that's more like it, sweetheart."

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A few months later, Scott was swimming in the sea, clearing his mind of everything that had cluttered it up. His arms cut through the waves as he swam towards the shore, turned and swam out towards the horizon. All the brothers knew the vagaries of the sea as well as any fish but Scott and Gordon were the two who used it the most. Every turn of the tide was noted, every rip tide was weighed. Nothing was left to chance. Jodie walked on to the beach in bare feet, with just a floaty pink dress on and watched him swimming, a smile on her face.

Half an hour later he walked up the beach and grinned at Jodie, sweeping her into his arms and raining water down on her.

"Princess, I aint ever been happier. Love you so much gorgeous."

"Love you too, handsome." As Scott sat down on the beach and pulled Jodie into his arms, she added, "did the shrink help?"

"Yeah I reckon she did, princess. I aint had any nightmares for weeks now, and when I shut my eyes all I see is your smile and your gorgeous face, princess."

"Good. That's more like it! And Scott, promise me if it ever happens again, you'll talk to me. I hated seeing you so upset."

Scott nodded, "promise baby," and he kissed her lightly, standing up with her in his arms and carrying her towards the sea.

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**Thanks to everyone who has read this story. It was an experiment, to see what sort of feedback I get back. I hope you enjoyed it. **

**Stay tuned for more stories.**

**Again I don't own the Thunderbirds or any of Gerry Anderson's wonderful creations.**

**Very strong language in this chapter, you have been warned so please don't read on if you get offended.**

**Please do review when you read.**


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